Depression: when life feels stalled

In Existential Analysis, the approach I trained in, depression is tied to a basic question of being alive: Do I like to live? That isn't asking whether you should value your life. It's asking whether life still reaches you, moves you, and feels good to be part of.

That feeling doesn't come from nowhere. It grows from relationship, time, and closeness: to people, to the things we love, and to ourselves. When these thin out, through loss, overwork, or one disappointment too many, we pull back to protect ourselves. The color drains out of things. Depression isn't a weakness of character. It's what happens when the connection to life itself has been strained.

Sometimes depression sounds like: life could be good, but it hasn't been good to me. Sometimes it's quieter: plenty of energy on the surface, but after enough hurt in relationships, you've lost faith that life is really worth it. And sometimes it's an existential depression, an ache about meaning that no amount of busyness touches. Each of these deserves to be understood, not just managed.

Why we pull away from life

When life hurts, we protect ourselves. We withdraw into a shell, go quiet, and let others carry on. We overdo it instead: pleasing people, unable to say no, comparing ourselves, waving off anything good said about us. We may get irritable or angry, which is often life in us still fighting for connection. Or we shut down, go numb, and feel exhausted all the time.

Each of these makes sense in the moment. Over time, though, they keep life at arm's length, and the world grows greyer and smaller.

Grief: the unseen companion

Many people carry grief that has never been acknowledged: the loss of a person, a relationship, a version of their life, or a childhood they never got to have. When grief isn't allowed, it often turns into depression.

Grieving is not only about loss. Tears are a sign that life still moves in us, that we can still be touched. In therapy, grief work is about letting that movement happen, and then reclaiming your life, your values, and your sense of direction.

Loneliness: the quiet ache

You can be surrounded by eight million people and still feel profoundly alone. Loneliness often grows from a fear that showing who you really are will cost you connection, so you offer a safer version of yourself and feel unseen.

Loneliness can also mean being out of relationship with yourself: not knowing what you feel or want, or treating yourself with a harshness you'd never show a friend. Part of our work is rebuilding that inner relationship, so closeness with others has somewhere to land.

How I work with depression in psychotherapy

Therapy isn't about forcing yourself to feel better. It's about slowly restoring your relationship to life, so that it can touch you again.

In practice, our work usually includes:

Turning toward what's there. Sadness, anger, numbness, and longing all carry information. We give them attention instead of pushing them away.
Making time and closeness possible. Depression lives where there's no time to feel and no one close enough to share it with. Our sessions are a place where both are given, and from there we look at what’s missing in your life.
Noticing small moments of warmth. We pay close attention to the brief moments when something does reach you, like warmth, interest, or a flicker of joy, and help them grow.
Grieving what needs to be grieved. We make room for losses you may not have been allowed to mourn.
Changing how you speak to yourself. The way you relate to yourself shapes how much life can reach you. We work toward an inner voice that's more honest and more kind.
Taking small steps before the feeling arrives. We find manageable ways to move toward what you value, trusting that the feeling often follows.
Finding your own "yes" to life. Ultimately, our work is about rediscovering, in your own way, what makes your life feel worth living.

The relationship between us is the ground this all happens on. I aim to be warm, direct, and genuinely engaged: a real person to feel and think alongside, not a blank screen.

Getting started

If something here resonates, the first step is a free 15-minute phone consultation. It's a chance to talk about what's bringing you in and to get a feel for whether we're a good fit.

I see adults individually, in person at my office in Chelsea or by Zoom. We meet weekly, because meaningful change takes consistency. 50-minute consultations are $250. I'm an out-of-network provider and can provide a superbill to submit to your insurance for reimbursement.

To reach me, call (347) 674-3738 or send a message through the contact page. I'll get back to you within one business day.